The zodiac, horoscopes, spectacular oracular feats—it’s all made up. So we decided to make up some ad-centric divination of our own. No magic eight balls or crystal balls were harmed in the writing of this blog.

Aries

Hey, life isn’t always going to be very fair to you or the work you’re doing, but your instincts are right (per usual). Stomp around, show everyone what your horns are for. However, be wary of your tendency to go from Buddha to Pre-Avengers-End-Game Hulk in .01 seconds. While your gut is spot on, your people skills might not be, and your clients will notice.

Taurus

The client is going to ask you to make the logo bigger. They’re going to ask you that seven more times after that. I could tell you to listen to them, that this isn’t the hill you wanna die on, but it wouldn’t change your mind, would it Taurus?

Gemini

Look, you’re analytical. You’re gonna want to overthink your ideas, and in doing so, you might murder them prematurely. I know you don’t like to shoot from the hip, but you’re a deadeye. Tap into your natural curiosity and go into that brainstorm with all of your ideas (yes, even the ones currently crumpled up in a ball next to your feet right now.)

Cancer

You may be feeling your introverted tendencies heightened, taking you from merely quiet to virtually undetectable. Take a crack at working from home, or not at all. Chances are your silence will be confused with wisdom, and you’ll ultimately be able to convince everyone of what you want.  After all, no one’s more convincing than you.

Leo

Your ability to captivate and woo people with your sunny personality is at its peak, Leo. Be sure to pitch as many of your insane ideas as possible—for once they may have a chance of not getting dumpstered.

Virgo

You’re hardworking and creative, but no one will ever know to what extent if you don’t begin sharing your ideas. Stop doubting yourself, and speak up. If someone doesn’t like it, kick them in the nuts. You know, figuratively.

Libra

Libra, you’re so magnetic that you could seduce any client away from their creative hangups (or their spouses) and into something both new and exciting. With great power comes great responsibility. Try not to abuse it. But who are we kidding, your fear of confrontation will prevent you from doing anything too riskay.

Scorpio

That hollow, needful feeling in your heart is called wanderlust. Follow it. Book a vacation immediately and don’t think about who is inconvenienced by your absence. It’s good to remind everyone how much it stings when you aren’t around.

Sagittarius

Homie, you’ve gotta slow down. There’s productivity and then there’s workaholism, which leads to other-aholisms. Take a lap, but, like, make it a slow lap. Take this time to look at your everyday tendencies–hopefully your sense of humor will allow you to get a laugh out of how much you’ve been overworking yourself.

Capricorn

The creatives on all your projects are doing a piss poor job of tracking their hours and, yeah, that sort of disorganization is incomprehensible to you. It makes you physically ill. Just try to bear with them, Workamajig isn’t exactly intuitive.

Aquarius

Look, we all know that you figured out a solve for the brief before we finished the kick off meeting. Just try not to act so goddamn smug about it. That said, don’t forget to let us bask in the glow of your greatness

Pisces

Whether you’re on the account team or in the creative department, your artistic inclinations are bubbling to the surface, Pisces. Try not to think too hard about how you gave up pursuing the arts for advertising and you’ll be fine.